The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
