Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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