did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
