Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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