u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
