FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
