I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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