Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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