Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
