I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
