I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
