my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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