K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
