I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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