I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
