im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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