guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
