I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
