i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
