Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
