We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
