i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
