so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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