thus making me awesome and them whores
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
