I'm jealous of your bromance
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
