butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And then he peed in my hair
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