I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
