Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
