So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
