Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
