i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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