last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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