he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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