he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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