i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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