my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
