I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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