I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
