You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
