Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
