I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
