i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
