If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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