All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
