hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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