After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
