you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
