i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
