remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
