You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
