At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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