Porn is love you can see.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
